Michigan Dispensary Robbers Somehow Set Their Own Shoes on Fire During Absolutely Idiotic Arson Attempt

Every once in a while, criminals produce a surveillance video so unbelievably stupid it feels like it was written by the writers of Trailer Park Boys after a three-day bender. This dispensary robbery out of Monroe Township, Michigan, is one of those moments.

According to reports and surveillance footage from Pure Cannabis Outlet, two masked geniuses rolled up to the dispensary around 1 a.m. in a stolen red Jeep Cherokee, crashed directly through the front of the building, dumped gasoline everywhere, lit the place on fire, grabbed some weed products, and then attempted to flee the scene.

Simple enough criminal plan in theory. Except these two masterminds apparently forgot one tiny detail: if you pour gasoline all over the floor while standing in it, there’s a decent chance you might also light yourself on fire. Which is exactly what happened.

The footage is honestly incredible. You see the suspects smash through the storefront, start sloshing gasoline around from a red gas can like they’re filming an action movie, and then suddenly, during the getaway, one of them realizes his shoes are literally on fire. Not metaphorically. Actually burning.

The suspects then sprint across the parking lot while little flames trail behind them like a live-action Looney Tunes scene. At one point, the guy appears to do the classic panicked “hot foot” shuffle trying to outrun the fact that his own sneakers have become miniature bonfires. Imagine committing felony arson and accidentally turning yourself into Ghost Rider in the process.

Police say the suspects abandoned the Jeep partially embedded in the dispensary before escaping in another waiting vehicle nearby. Local outlets reported they did manage to steal some cannabis products before fleeing, although it’s safe to assume the adrenaline rush probably overpowered whatever weed they planned on enjoying later.

The internet immediately buried these guys after the footage went viral. “One brain cell shared equally between them,” one commenter wrote. Another added: “Imagine explaining burn marks on your shoes after a dispensary robbery.”