A Pittsburgh suspect trying to outrun the law just delivered the most pathetic escape attempt of the year, and maybe the decade.
Video circulating Friday shows the barefoot genius in a blue shirt booking it across a grassy lot as Pittsburgh police close in. He looks like he’s got a shot for about two seconds.
Then physics and terrible life choices take over.
The guy trips, faceplants, and slides to a halt inches from the front tire of a marked police SUV. Not next to it. Not behind it. Practically under the bumper, like he was trying to inspect the tread while the engine was still running.
Officers didn’t even have to chase him far after that. They just piled on the human speed bump and cuffed him on the pavement while bystanders watched the world’s least successful parkour demonstration.
Social media has already crowned it the “worst escape attempt of all time,” and they’re not wrong. Most fugitives at least make it to the next block. This guy made it to the grille.
If you’re going to run from Pittsburgh cops, maybe don’t treat their patrol car like a finish line. The only thing he escaped was dignity.
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