Diesel Just Sent Shirtless Dudes Down the Milan Runway in Shorts That Would Make RuPaul Blush. What Kind of Man Actually Wears This?

Milan Fashion Week decided the hottest new look for men is a pair of denim shorts so short they look like they were stolen from a 2003 Abercrombie intern’s gym bag and then shrink-washed in a dryer set to “please notice my ass.” Diesel called it SS27. Regular people call it a cry for help.

The clip making the rounds shows two shirtless, oiled-up models with abs you could grate cheese on, strutting past a packed house in what can only be described as denim briefs with pockets. One of them even has the waistband riding so low you start wondering if the designer forgot the rest of the pants existed. A female model later joins in similar shorts, which at least has historical precedent. The men do not.

Fashion people will tell you this is “provocative,” “body-positive,” or “reclaiming the male gaze.” Fine. Provocative is one word. Another is “I would rather get hit by a bus than walk into a bar wearing these.” These aren’t shorts. They’re a dare. They’re the visual equivalent of asking every guy in the room if he’s packing and then waiting for an answer.

So who actually wears this off the runway?Not the guy who just finished a 12-hour shift. Not the guy who still owns work boots with actual dirt on them. Not the guy who thinks “tailored” means his jeans don’t drag on the ground. This look is for the man who has already decided the most important part of his outfit is how much thigh he can legally expose before the health department gets involved. It’s for the guy who looks in the mirror, sees a six-pack, and thinks, “You know what this needs? Less fabric.”

There’s a reason most men stopped wearing short-shorts after 1986. It wasn’t because we suddenly hated our legs. It’s because we realized looking like we lost a bet to a tailor isn’t a personality. The 70s and 80s had tiny shorts because the culture was different and nobody had invented cargo shorts yet. Bringing them back in 2026 with a straight face and calling it “the hottest trend” is the fashion equivalent of serving warm milk and insisting it’s a craft cocktail.

Diesel can put whatever they want on a runway. That’s the job. The rest of us get to look at it, laugh, and then go buy a pair of shorts that actually cover the important parts. If your summer uniform requires you to shave your legs and oil your chest just to look “on trend,” you didn’t discover a new style. You discovered a costume.

Wear what you want. Just don’t act shocked when half the country looks at these micro shorts and immediately thinks the same thing: that’s not fashion. That’s a man who ran out of pants.