And Just Like That, Tonight, Jasmine Crockett's Political Career Crashed And Burned

Let’s set the scene: Jasmine Crockett, the rising star, the freshly Cardi B–endorsed politician… just got knocked the f* out in the Texas Democratic Senate primary.** And not by some random, quiet challenger, she lost to James Talarico, another Democrat who’s suddenly Texas’s new flavor of the week.

Here’s why this matters: Crockett didn’t just lose a race. She bet the farm on this Senate run. To even get in the contest, she had to give up her House seat. That means come January, she’s out of Congress entirely. No fallback. No seniority. No cushy “see you in two years.” Nada. Just gone.

And because Barstool loves the absurd, she becomes the second Black woman in history to lose an election after being endorsed by Cardi B. Yes… that’s a real category now. It’s shockingly specific, borderline comical, and somehow now we’re living in it. Cardi B’s political endorsements are starting to look like lottery tickets — no matter who the artist is, the house always wins.

Let’s be honest: being endorsed by Cardi B should be a booster rocket. The woman moves markets, shifts culture, and has millions ready to mobilize at a moment’s notice. But in this case it just turned into a hilarious footnote. “Cardi B backed her!” isn’t shaping up to be the campaign tagline anyone hoped for.

So what happens next? Crockett’s political future is at least paused, maybe even slammed closed for now. Her House seat will be filled by someone else next term. Talarico gets the nomination, and the party moves forward without her.